To Judge or not to Judge?
To Judge or not to Judge?
Should we be tolerant or judgy?
I have never been a yeller, even in extreme situations. When I was younger, I sometimes felt a little superior to those hotheads who couldn’t keep a lid on it. I mean, it’s not that hard. Or so I thought.
Thankfully, I had kids.
While even kids did not turn me into a yeller, I grew aware of my own wrong ways of handling anger. I was a stuffer which was no less hurtful to those around me.
We are all tempted at times, to judge others through the lenses of our own innate strengths. Upbeat personalities cannot understand moodiness. “Deep” people bemoan the shallow insipidity of ever prevalent "small talk.” Fit, athletic types don’t have much sympathy for the chronically ill or overweight.
We all face faults in others. We will encounter people with a different story than our own. What is the best response?
In Pride and Prejudice, Jane and Elizabeth Bennet handled other people’s issues in very opposite ways.
Jane
Jane saw only good in others. When facing faults, she instinctively made allowances for different personalities or extenuating circumstances. In describing her, Elizabeth said, “You are a great deal too apt you know, to like people in general. You never see a fault in anybody. All the world are good and agreeable… I never heard you speak ill of a human being in my life.”
There is a lot to admire about Jane. 1 Corinthians 13 says, love “is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
When facing wrongs in others we should strive to assume the best, to show generosity. We should remember our own faults. We might not face the same temptations as our friend, yet we have a different set of potential vices.
But in spite of Jane’s kindness, her attitude towards others left much to be desired. In never finding fault with anyone she became easy prey. She was duped and deceived and hurt by the behavior of others.
In short, she lacked wisdom.
Elizabeth
Lizzy on the other hand, had no trouble finding faults in others. “The more I see of the world,” she said, “the more I am displeased with it.” She was witty, satirical and sharp-tongued.
She considered herself a good judge of character. She called it like it is, and was often dead on. She saw clearly the arrogance of Mr. Collins, her would-be suitor, and steered clear. She was wary and wise.
She failed to see, however, that when we are quick to judge, the same “judgment” will often be applied back to ourselves. When Jesus said in the gospel of Mathew, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged,” He did not mean that we simply do not see sin in others. If so, it would be a direct contradiction of His words a few chapters later, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.” He meant that when we condemn the sins of others in our own hearts without also seeing our own faults, we become caught in our own judgments. In condemning others, we condemn ourselves.
And that is exactly what happened to Lizzy. On first meeting Mr. Darcy, he insulted her by describing her looks as merely “tolerable.” From that moment she was prejudiced against him, eager to hear any passing slander against his character. She listened to mere gossip, accepted it as gospel truth, and then pretty much went on to make a fool of herself on the basis of these lies.
She wound up only hurting herself.
Jane or Elizabeth?
Which one is better? Should we be more like Jane or Lizzy?
The temptation is to pick one or the other. It is easy to be like Jane simply never judge anyone at all. And it is easy to be like Lizzy and judge all the time.
But Austen will not let us get away with that. Both sisters are good. They each bring something necessary to the table. They fell short not because of what they did but what they failed to do. Each needed a little of the other.
“If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).
When others sin, one way or another, we will inevitably face the temptation to sin ourselves. Yet we find both sisters represented in this verse.
We might be tempted to be like Jane and simply fail to see sin let alone “restore him.” This is the last thing Austen wanted. In fact, as mentioned here, if I had to sum up her books in a word I would say that she wanted us to learn to judge well. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon tells us to avoid certain kinds of people. Wise discernment is necessary for this.
Neither do we want to be exclusively like Lizzy.
We must not fail to “keep watch lest we too are tempted” and judge without humility or compassion. In Romans, Paul says, “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things”
Instead we must strive to have a little of Jane and a little of Lizzy. How can these seeming contradictions hold together? That is why wisdom, biblically, is referred to as a “riddle.” That is why we are to be both “wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”