Individualism is Boring

Thoughts on Conformity and Real Freedom

Photo by Lili Kovac on Unsplash

The coastal, California town I grew up in could only be reached via a two hour, winding, cliffside drive on a two lane highway. This meant that those who lived there wanted their space. It was the land of hippy nonconformists, who believed in living wild and free. 

To some, this might seem inviting. An unconventional, unorthodox paradise of no rules and no boundaries. You could be who you are, dress as you please, and express yourself in living color. 

Yet the reality of living there might surprise those of you who grew up with, shall we say, “normal” people. Because freedom was the last thing I experienced. There was a tyrannical set of norms, it just looked… different. 

Your beliefs had to line up or you were ridiculed. You believe in off-shore oil drilling? You don’t smoke pot? (and everyone—teachers, friend’s parents, kids—everyone smoked pot basically all the time). You’re not a Raiders fan? I remember protesting a war downtown in 7th grade. Had no idea what war, or why, just shuffling along with the crowd. Tie-dye was as uniform as uniforms. 

Rules for Freedom

Marianne Dashwood, a character in Jane Austen’s, Sense and Sensibility, hated polite society and conventional traditions. Yet in looking closer at her life, Austen wants us to notice that she in fact, lived according to a rigid set of rules—while claiming a superior level of individual freedom. 

Marianne’s very first meeting with her soon-to-be-boyfriend, Willoughby, was more like an interview. She catechized him, insisting that he lined up with all of her pet beliefs—that he was genuine, and real, and not like all those fake people. As events transpired and his real character became exposed, we see that he was in fact, the worst kind of mercenary fraud. 

But it was easy for him to play along with all of Marianne’s little rules because they were rigid. He could tick off the boxes. Be rude to your elders, blow people off, show up late, and go off on your own when the adults are gathering. They don’t understand and we know better. Willoughby had a totally different agenda, but she was pretty enough to keep him amused for an idle hour. In their own way, both Willoughby and Marianne lived like cookie-cutter puppets of their own dogma.

We see this everywhere. People who set out to look “different” as their main goal, are six kinds of pretty much exactly the same. They dress, pierce, tattoo, dye, and talk almost like colorful caricatures of each other.

---

Maidens and Boss Girls 

Fifty years ago, the societal norm for a female protagonist might have been the cliche, trapped girl in the tower, who needed saving. What we have today is no less overdone. Our modern female heroines must conform to today’s conventional, ninja-girl, badass. 

We recently watched the movie, Cinderella, with the kids—NOT the original Disney version but a recent film directed by Kenneth Branagh. I commend Branagh for attempting to capture a woman who did not conform to the norms of then or now. She was strong in the right ways, while also being gentle, courageous, and kind. 

Yet, I still noticed that one of the first Amazon reviewers complained about her character, saying that what this Cinderella really needed was a “black eye and a bitchy attitude.”

This is nothing but social conformity at it’s worst… Nonconformists remind us to “think outside the box,” while unable to do it themselves. 

Jane Austen commentator, Stuart Gave, put it like this: “Anti conformity is the reverse of what it claims to be. It sees and feels not more but less because it is conventional, selfish, and weak. What is offered as natural and instinctive is a conduct learned… The claim of freedom from ordinary, social forms is resolved into a limited set of automatic responses.”

Do I therefore think that tradition is always a good thing?

Of course not, rather that each extreme—extreme conventionalism and extreme nonconformity—are merely opposite sides of the same coin. 

Nonconformists take the shallow view: freedom always means lack of restraint. But Christians know that real freedom is impossible apart from restraint: “And you will know the truth… and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32).